And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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