Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
