Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
