You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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