we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
