she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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