Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
