if i can run in heels then i can drive
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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