No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
