he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize