At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
