I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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