I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
