It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
