Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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