Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
