in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
