just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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