just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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