every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
