If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
