Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
