better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
