People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
