I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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