Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize