my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We need to rekindle our bromance
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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