They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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