So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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