I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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