We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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