he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
