It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
