This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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