Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
