If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
