Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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