Will you blow on my dice?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
