I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
