This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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