So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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