I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
