I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm having to shit out rocks
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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