Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize