Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
