Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
