I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
