is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
