I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
