I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
