i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize