I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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