A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
