theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
