If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize