Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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