I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
