Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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