You really coming over, don't trick.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I AM VODKA MAN
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Bring me that man meat
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
