THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
