All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
