shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
