I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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