I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
