I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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