pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
