i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
